Here be aromantics

Hi everyone! So, part of why Tost and I were keen to get this blog up and running last month was that we've volunteered to host the second Carnival of Aros, a blogging festival for and about aro people! Each month has a different theme and for this month our theme is:

It's great to be aro!

What's a blogging festival?
It's an event where people are encouraged to create and share content related to prompts on a given topic. As the hosts we'll be promoting everyone's content here on this blog, and at the end of the month we'll post a round-up collection of everything that has been submitted.

Where can I post?
Anywhere you like! Of course we welcome posts to this community; Dreamwidth accounts are free and anyone who has one can post here. If you want to post elsewhere that's fine too - just put a link to your post in the comments below (you don't need an account for this) so that we can include it in the Carnival collection. If you want to make a post anonymously, you can also put your submission in the comments below, or email it to one of the mods (bydontost at gmail or eatingcroutons at gmail), and we can post your submission to this community.

What can I post?
Anything you like! We welcome all kinds of content, as long as it’s related to this month’s theme.

What are this month's prompts?
The overall theme for the month is It's great to be aro! and some prompts we've suggested to get you thinking are:

• A time I was glad I was aro


• Reasons I love my identity


• The best thing about the aro community


• What things have improved for aros?


• How can we improve aro experiences even more?

Of course you're not just limited to these exact prompts! Anything you want to create about the positive sides of being aro is welcome. And if you want to respond to multiple prompts you are absolutely welcome to make more than one submission - we would be thrilled to promote anything and everything you'd like to create :D

How can I contact the hosts?
You can drop us a line in the comments below if you have general questions - again, you don't need an account for this. If you do have a Dreamwidth account you can message Tost or message Crou privately. Or you can email us at bydontost at gmail, or eatingcroutons at gmail.

Happy Carnival everyone!

Being aromantic is kind of a tough one to explain.

It seems simple enough to say, “I don't feel romantic attraction.” But then you're left trying to explain what on earth you mean by “romantic attraction”, and, well, if anyone can clearly put that into words, please let us know.

It's a common part of the aro experience to struggle to understand what other people are talking about when they describe “falling in love” or having “romantic feelings” for others. We see our friends, families, and characters in all kinds of media devoting massive amounts of time and effort towards finding and maintaining romantic relationships, and... we don't really get it. Many of us have asked people to explain what the difference is between love and being in love, without ever getting a response we understand. Many of us are told, or expect, that one day we will meet the “right person” and suddenly all those odd behaviours will make sense. Many of us wonder if maybe we're just being too picky. But months, years, decades pass - and it just never happens the way it’s supposed to.

That's not to say that we don't love people. Many of us love our friends and families deeply and powerfully, and spend a lot of time and effort caring for the people we love. We just don't generally feel what others describe as a qualitatively different, “romantic” love for any partner or partners.

Some of us wish we did. We wish we could feel the urge that everyone else seems to have, to settle down with a partner or partners and build a life together. We see the vast majority of people enjoying “romantic” behaviours that seem baffling or outright off-putting to us, and feel like maybe we're missing out on something.

Some of us try to go through the motions. We start a “romantic relationship” with someone we love, do all the things we’re “supposed” to do - and find that instead of discovering the butterflies and gooey feelings others describe, we just feel deeply uncomfortable with the whole situation.

Some of us reach the conclusion that we're honestly, genuinely happiest being single - and that while we're happy for people who do enjoy romantic relationships, the things they describe are not things we would ever want for ourselves.

Some of us build relationships that don't neatly fit into existing social categories of “friend" or “partner”; the word “queerplatonic” was coined to describe relationships that cross boundaries of what many people would consider acceptable in a platonic relationship, but which are not romantic.

Some of us feel it's more accurate to describe our experiences as existing on a spectrum, rather than exclusively aromantic - we call ourselves “aro-spec”, encompassing a range of different experiences with the concept of romantic attraction. Some of us are still trying to feel our way through questions of identity, and where exactly we might fall on that spectrum.

Many of us want and enjoy sex. We have sex in a variety of different circumstances and arrangements, that suit our needs and those of the people we have it with.

Aro experiences are as varied as the people who have them.

What we do know for sure is that many of us have found support and solidarity in coming together under the umbrella of “aromanticism” to share our experiences and learn from each other. To talk about how we navigate a world that prioritises and glorifies romance as the ultimate kind of love, and how we deal with the challenges of not fitting into that narrative.

Or sometimes just to exchange recipes.

That is: While we may experience interpersonal relationships differently from most of the population, we’re all just trying to figure this “life” thing out, same as anyone else.