Ah, with "my relationship looks more like a QPR than a Romantic relationship" I meant that if I sat down a random group of people who knew aspec terminology and handed out sheets describing exactly what happens in my relationship and then asked them whether that relationship was Romantic or qp, most people would say it’s qp because it doesn’t fit into the Romantic mould. I think there's a sort of situation here where "significant relationships that aren't Romantic/don't fit into the amatonormative mould" automatically = "this is a QPR". My point is that saying “I’m in a Romantic relationship” conveys the wrong ideas about what actually goes on in my relationship, especially in aro spaces, and saying “I’m in a QPR” would convey more accurate ideas even though that’s not actually the label of the relationship. Goals 1 & 2 would be helpful here.
I think in time, assuming very optimistically that everyone takes all the ideas on board and enthusiastically implements them, yada yada yada, the boundary between Romantic and qp relationships is going to fade more and more and eventually end up blending into one category because it’ll stop mattering what label people put on it if it’s the same kind of “relationship significant in people’s lives” and both can contain whatever the people in those relationships want. I don’t think this is a bad thing, to be clear, but i just wanted to bring it up because you talk about labels being important to communicate certain models of relationships in your 3rd goal, however if both Romantic and qp relationships are allowed to contain whatever elements, this aspect of labelling I think will be mostly lost. If both labels can be used communicate the same relationship (as it already true of relationships such as mine and shades_of_grayro’s) and the one actually chosen is due to almost arbitrary reasons, then the importance of exactly which label is used dwindles and it stops communicating a specific model.
So yes, your general goals would help here, but splitting Romantic and QPR into completely separate circles doesn't make sense when both are allowed to have elements of the other. I'm not arguing for complete abolishment of one or both terms here (or at least definitely not at this stage where we are very very far away from getting everyone to recognise that any relationship can contain anything) but I did want to point it out. Because if you split them, you're making Romantic and QPR boxes anyway.
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Date: 10 Mar 2019 03:16 (UTC)I think in time, assuming very optimistically that everyone takes all the ideas on board and enthusiastically implements them, yada yada yada, the boundary between Romantic and qp relationships is going to fade more and more and eventually end up blending into one category because it’ll stop mattering what label people put on it if it’s the same kind of “relationship significant in people’s lives” and both can contain whatever the people in those relationships want. I don’t think this is a bad thing, to be clear, but i just wanted to bring it up because you talk about labels being important to communicate certain models of relationships in your 3rd goal, however if both Romantic and qp relationships are allowed to contain whatever elements, this aspect of labelling I think will be mostly lost. If both labels can be used communicate the same relationship (as it already true of relationships such as mine and shades_of_grayro’s) and the one actually chosen is due to almost arbitrary reasons, then the importance of exactly which label is used dwindles and it stops communicating a specific model.
So yes, your general goals would help here, but splitting Romantic and QPR into completely separate circles doesn't make sense when both are allowed to have elements of the other. I'm not arguing for complete abolishment of one or both terms here (or at least definitely not at this stage where we are very very far away from getting everyone to recognise that any relationship can contain anything) but I did want to point it out. Because if you split them, you're making Romantic and QPR boxes anyway.