Here be aromantics

Meet the Aros

2019-02-11T19:27:29Z

Posted by: grzanka

Since we’re getting started with this community, waves, it’d be good to see who’s behind the icon and get to know each other! Here's an ask meme to help break the ice - feel free to answer as many or as few questions as you like, in any way you like. Or if you'd prefer to make your own kind of introduction, go for it!

( Click through for the meme! )

comments

Aromanticism 101: What are we even talking about?

2019-02-11T17:34:11Z

Posted by: eatingcroutons

Being aromantic is kind of a tough one to explain.

It seems simple enough to say, “I don't feel romantic attraction.” But then you're left trying to explain what on earth you mean by “romantic attraction”, and, well, if anyone can clearly put that into words, please let us know.

It's a common part of the aro experience to struggle to understand what other people are talking about when they describe “falling in love” or having “romantic feelings” for others. We see our friends, families, and characters in all kinds of media devoting massive amounts of time and effort towards finding and maintaining romantic relationships, and... we don't really get it. Many of us have asked people to explain what the difference is between love and being in love, without ever getting a response we understand. Many of us are told, or expect, that one day we will meet the “right person” and suddenly all those odd behaviours will make sense. Many of us wonder if maybe we're just being too picky. But months, years, decades pass - and it just never happens the way it’s supposed to.

That's not to say that we don't love people. Many of us love our friends and families deeply and powerfully, and spend a lot of time and effort caring for the people we love. We just don't generally feel what others describe as a qualitatively different, “romantic” love for any partner or partners.

Some of us wish we did. We wish we could feel the urge that everyone else seems to have, to settle down with a partner or partners and build a life together. We see the vast majority of people enjoying “romantic” behaviours that seem baffling or outright off-putting to us, and feel like maybe we're missing out on something.

Some of us try to go through the motions. We start a “romantic relationship” with someone we love, do all the things we’re “supposed” to do - and find that instead of discovering the butterflies and gooey feelings others describe, we just feel deeply uncomfortable with the whole situation.

Some of us reach the conclusion that we're honestly, genuinely happiest being single - and that while we're happy for people who do enjoy romantic relationships, the things they describe are not things we would ever want for ourselves.

Some of us build relationships that don't neatly fit into existing social categories of “friend" or “partner”; the word “queerplatonic” was coined to describe relationships that cross boundaries of what many people would consider acceptable in a platonic relationship, but which are not romantic.

Some of us feel it's more accurate to describe our experiences as existing on a spectrum, rather than exclusively aromantic - we call ourselves “aro-spec”, encompassing a range of different experiences with the concept of romantic attraction. Some of us are still trying to feel our way through questions of identity, and where exactly we might fall on that spectrum.

Many of us want and enjoy sex. We have sex in a variety of different circumstances and arrangements, that suit our needs and those of the people we have it with.

Aro experiences are as varied as the people who have them.

What we do know for sure is that many of us have found support and solidarity in coming together under the umbrella of “aromanticism” to share our experiences and learn from each other. To talk about how we navigate a world that prioritises and glorifies romance as the ultimate kind of love, and how we deal with the challenges of not fitting into that narrative.

Or sometimes just to exchange recipes.

That is: While we may experience interpersonal relationships differently from most of the population, we’re all just trying to figure this “life” thing out, same as anyone else.

comments

Resources and Aro Hangouts

2019-02-10T16:55:56Z

Posted by: grzanka

Click through for some links to resources about aromanticism, as well as links to other arospec hangouts and communities around the internet!

( Read more... )

comments

Aro Tips

2019-01-19T11:24:34Z

Posted by: grzanka

Navigating life on the aromantic spectrum can involve some unusual challenges. Wondering how to maintain ties when your friends get married? Trying to share a mortgage between more than two people? Just wishing you could explain the whole “aro” thing to your classmates or parents in a way that they'll actually understand?

If you've come across any useful advice, or effective communication strategies, or life hacks that are particularly relevant to aros, please go ahead and share them here! We'll all be super grateful, and might even have related tips to offer you in return.

If you see an existing comment thread related to the information you want to share, you can reply there if you like - or just make a new comment for yourself.

comments

Identity Questioning

2019-01-19T11:21:34Z

Posted by: grzanka

Let's be honest: figuring out how we relate to "romantic attraction" when a lot of us don't fully understand what that even means can be tough. And sometimes the process of figuring out your identity can be as important as the destination.

Not sure where you might fit under the aromantic umbrella? Wondering whether or not a particular experience is a you-thing, or an aro-thing? Just generally confused about how people and relationships work? Feel free to ask your questions here, and maybe we'll be able to find some answers together.

If you see an existing comment thread related to what you want to ask, you can reply there if you like - or just make a new comment for yourself.

comments

Advice

2019-01-19T11:15:04Z

Posted by: grzanka

Looking for advice about a specific situation, decision, relationship, bugbear, or anything else that might be related to your aro identity? Just looking for help choosing a shiny new ink for your favourite pen? This is the place to ask - although we're probably better equipped to help you with the aro stuff than with stationery.

If you see an existing comment thread related to what you want to ask, you can reply there if you like - or just make a new comment for yourself.

comments

Glossary

2019-01-18T20:30:31Z

Posted by: grzanka

In this entry you'll find: Basic Terms, Identities, Attraction Terms, Relationship Terms

( Read more... )

comments